How do childhood wounds affect your business?

So let's go ahead and start talking about today's topic. So today I wanna talk about how childhood wounds affect business.

Now, again, it sounds really corny, but I was reading this LinkedIn article recently and I thought, wow, this is me. All of this stuff was just me over and over and over again. And the article talked about, and if you guys want the link, I can put the link down below. But I just found it really, really fascinating and I was gonna put it up there,

but the internet is not cooperating. So here are five glaring signs that you've experienced, childhood, basically wounds. One is you're scared to speak up to advocate or defend yourself. And when I think about grooms, I think about how we're afraid to advocate for ourselves. We're afraid to tell people our new price. We're afraid to do all of these things,

enforce our policies, right? We're afraid they're going to get angry, or we're afraid they're going to leave us. And for a lot of that of us, that is a childhood wound. That is somebody taught us to not advocate for ourselves or not to defend ourselves. And unfortunately, I see this over and over and over again. One of the most important components of my price Increase Masterclass is all about how we need to really become the advocates for ourselves and use numbers,

not feelings, to decide what our pricing should be. Okay? And the number two is, you don't experience yourself as a person of worth or value. So again, I really hate the phrase in the grooming industry, charge what you're worth. I think it's kind of a toxic thing to say, but if you listen to groomers on why we should charge this or we should charge that,

it's all based on their skillset, right? It's not about I deserve a livable wage, my employees deserve a livable wage. It's all about my skillset. I offer this. And obviously we do need to make sure that you are creating a product or service that people wanna buy. We wanna make sure that you are creating that scenario, of course. But let's be real here.

How many times have you seen someone say, you know what? I just have to make a livable wage. Most unless of it is, I deserve this because I'm worth it. But you know, what is that intrinsic value? A lot of times I'll hear people say something along the lines of, you know, I'll be able to charge more when I become certified,

or I'll be able to charge more when we get the bigger facility. Or when I get the brand new mobile. It's like, okay, but do you not deserve to be comfortable? Right? Do you not deserve to live there? Number three, you're highly defensive and reactive and you can't respond with calm. Basically. You can't respond calmly. And with a little bit of,

I don't wanna say dignity, that's not fair on the flip side, right? You either have the groomer who won't defend themselves at all, right? And when they finally do defend themselves, what do they do? They start flipping out on their customers. They're nasty, they're rude, they're downright mean, right? And it's almost like this overcorrect correction.

So we have somebody who's like, okay, I'm gonna go from being really kind, you know, almost this doormat, and now I'm gonna be angry and venomous. So there's of course something in the middle. But I find that these are the two most common things that groomers do, right? And there's a big difference. And it was explaining, reacting versus responding.

You know? And when someone tells me, you know, $600 for price increase, masterclass is too much money. I don't engage with that. You know? Or if I do, you know, I'll ask 'em. I said, okay, well what do you think is a fair price? Because I asked them to think about it. What do they feel like that it's valued at?

And if they say like $20, that's when I explain, well, it's six hours of coaching content, right? Six hours of workshops. And that's a lot, right? It's a lot of content. So you know, that's very different than go f yourself. If you don't like the praise, you go, go to hell, da, da da.

No. And I need to do that. 'cause if they don't wanna buy my product, then that's okay. And the same thing with grooming. And I've been in a cat van all week and their grooming prices started a hundred dollars for a cat. I mean, some people are paying $180 for a cat client. And if somebody is like, oh,

it's very expensive, then you know, you can, you can have that conversation, right? 'cause a lot of times it's not that they don't, it's not that they don't, they can't afford it or it's expensive. It's that it's more than they thought it would be, or it's just not in their budget. And that's okay. And this is signs of a childhood wound.

Now this doesn't mean that your parents are bad. This doesn't mean that anyone did anything wrong. Like I know there were things in retrospect, my son is 10 that I should have done better, but I didn't have the skillset to help him out, right? I would be a better mother today when he was little, because I know more and I'm older than I did then,

you know? And you, there's just always more research. So when we wanna look at how we were affected as a child, we need to then go, okay, you know, when else do I act like this in my personal life? You know, things like accommodating versus actually being real. How many times do we over promise? We don't wanna tell that client,

we're gonna shave your dog. And instead what they tell 'em is, we're gonna do our best. Not, I was far more snarky, oh, when I owned my grooming salon. And if somebody said, save as much as you can, and they would have like a pelto dog, I'd be like, what? In a bag? Because, you know,

and I would tell him, I'm like, no, he's gonna be Mr. Clean bald. And so what would happen is if he came back with even a little bit of hair, they were happy. Versus if we promised them I'll save as much as I can. 'cause we wanna be accommodating. We wanna be that appeasing child. Then when that dog comes back at a four and we're really proud of ourselves,

they see that as if we had shaved with a 30, right? Another one is complaining versus requesting. I love you. I love you all. Most of my listeners are not this person. But there is definitely a problem in our grooming industry with people just complaining about situations versus asking their clients, right? A lot of people say, my clients won't pay that,

right? And I'll be like, okay, well have you asked them to pay that? And they're like, no, but they won't. And I go, okay, well ask the clients you don't like if they will pay that first, right? And of course, we do strategies, we do so many things like that in my coaching, a lot of times I will get so much pushback,

pushback, pushback, pushback. And it's this, it's this. Complaining instead of, instead of actually going through with it, I said, okay, well let's actually request what you want. But it's this avoidance tactic of, I'll just complain because I don't wanna confront compromising integrity versus leading with truth. I see this in the grooming industry. When instead of shaving a matted dog or shaving a matted cat,

we try to save the coat. I'm sorry if they neglected their pet did not brush it. And I don't expect my customers to brush their pets. And I'll tell you why. 'cause I mean, let's just say when I was in, when I was in my shop and when I was in my mobile, 'cause it's, it's like promising your dentist,

you're not gonna eat candy. I would rather them be real with me and tell the truth. And let's create a plan based on the truth versus me having to compromise my integrity. So a lot of us would rather again, be that appeasing child and try to save a dog versus hand them back a bald dog or cat. I mean cat, I feel like it's easier 'cause you're like,

listen, I'm not DM demanding this cat. I don't wanna die. Number four, you've internalized the narciss system or emotional manipulation of your parents or other authority figures in your life and potentially demonstrate some narcissistic traits. Now, I did say what, you know, what are common things of a narcissistic personality? Now, I'm not saying you guys are narcissistic,

but after, and I love reading these articles 'cause they're so eye-opening. Here is a nar. Here's examples of a narcissistic personality. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerates achievements and talents expects to be recognized as superior without actually having the achievements. And so you have groomers that are like, I'm a worm, I'm worthless. Like I'm not this person.

And then you have some groomers. Their business is shit like, their business is awful. They're not good groomers. They have a terrible personality. Their shop is garbage, and they think they deserve $200 an hour. So we do have groomers like that, guys, and maybe they're not a narcissist, but they have this inflated sense of ego. They have this inflated sense of importance.

Like I, you know, again, going from I deserve a livable wage is very different than I'm here. So I deserve 50%. I don't know why I deserve 50%, but I deserve 50% commission, right? To is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. That sounds a lot like you guys when you're planning these big giant businesses.

I wanna own 10 grooming salons with daycare and boarding and grooming. And I go, okay, well tell me the reality version of that. How are you gonna get a million dollars to open this facility? Do you even want these or is it just this again, grandiose egoic plan, this fantasy. And that's, that's very different. It's, there's a big difference between daydreaming and fantasizing in unhealthy ways,

right? And a lot of you guys, when you're talking about this future business, you wanna run, you wanna run a business where your employees will magically take care of themselves. And I never have to be there and I'm just gonna replace me and I'm gonna pay them $15 an hour and I'm gonna have 30 of these salons. Like it's complete fantasy.

Like complete fantasy requires excessive admiration. This may manifest different in groomers than people think. We really love when our customers hero worship us, when we save that dog's coat, we feel like a hero. We need to a lot of groomers. So when I teach how to run a grooming salon, I do not want the groomer to be the one to check in and out the dog.

What I want is a receptionist to check in out the dog. And a groomer will often tell you, I don't want there to be any kind of communication error. And then I'll say, okay, but don't you write down the notes for next time? And they're like, well, yeah. And I said, okay. So if you write down the notes,

then communication should not be a problem, right? But what it really comes down is they want that gratification of that relationship. They want that owner to make them feel important. And there's nothing wrong with that when done correctly. But a lot of times it's just in a very toxic ways. Believes he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by,

or should be associated with other special and high status people. So I'm gonna use this in a way that I definitely have this tendency, not so much of like this really high status, but I often feel like the only kind of people I can be friends with, the only kind of people that can understand me are other groomers. I really struggle with making friends outside of the grooming industry.

Do I make them? Yes. But are they significantly harder? Yes. Because I really feel like I, I will never be understood by anyone but a groomer. And it's such a weird tendency, right? 'cause some of it's true, some of it's like, you know, no one's gonna understand what it's like to have an in their hair, but a groomer.

But there's so many instances where we self isolate as an industry, right? You could have someone buy a grooming business and they have done, like they, they're, they're, they will work alongside of us, right? They're not a groomer, but they will bathe with us. They'll blow dry with us. They will always help around us. They will never be our equal unless if they have been a groomer before.

And that's a weird potentially narcissistic tendency in this industry. One is interpersonally exploitative takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. Not so much, not so much intentional, but we've all done this, right? We've all had our bather or our employee do the dog that we don't wanna do. You know, a lot of times the reason that we are hiring that groomer or hiring that bather or hiring that receptionist is to do shit we don't wanna do.

Right? It's like we won't do it. So we want our bather to do it. I'll, I'll say all the time to groomers like it, you know, they'll be like, I don't wanna groom cats, so I'm gonna hire someone, right? And I'll be like, okay, well do you wanna groom cats? And they're like, hell no,

I would never groom cats, cats. They're terrible, dah dah. I'm like, okay, well then why are we hiring someone to do a service that you don't wanna do? And if they leave, they can't do, right? So, and I see a lot of grooming businesses, grooming salons built on the idea of instead of creating a team and a long lasting business,

it's like, I don't wanna groom so I'm going to exploit somebody else so they can groom until their bodies don't work. I can't groom forever. So I have to have someone groom. And I'm like, okay, well how long do you think they, how long have you been grooming? They'll be like, 10 years. I'm like, okay, they've been grooming 10 years,

so you expect 'em to work for you for 10 years. And then what? And they're like, oh, I expect 'em to groom for 30 years. I'm like, well, don't really work that way, does it? Another one is envious of others who believes that others are envious of him or her. Yeah, lots of groomers yell. They do not.

They do not. How do I say this? In the nicest of ways, guys. Guys. You know, being nice is not my, my forte. I also love grooming cats. Ml, W j I, that's all I was doing all week is not all week, but I was in the cat van and I love it. I had so much fun playing with the cats and grooming the cats.

So again, a lot of groomers would be like, oh, you know, so and so does this. So a lot of groomers will just sit there and like, they're just mean bitches. They're like, oh, that salon, they think they're so good, they charge this amount of money. Who can afford that? I would never make my clients pay that kind of money.

That's highway robbery. That's price gouging. That's this, that's that. I mean, it's like high school envy, right? Another one is lacks empathy is unwilling or to recognize or identify with the feelings or needs of others. Most groomers are incredibly empathetic until they're not. I find a lot of power groomers tend to lack empathy. They'll be like, well I have,

I can groom 10 pets. Why can't my brand new baby groomer? Right? 'cause your groomer's been grooming less than a year. Or they'll hire somebody and they're like, why can't they do everything I do? And I'm like, that's because if they could do what you do, they would open their own business, right? On the flip side, you have employees that are like,

I want 50%. And when we're like, well in order to keep the business open we need to keep all payroll under 30%. And they're like, well I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna go work somewhere else. That definitely lacks empathy, right? So there's all these different ways that, and this was just in this article, the last way.

The fifth way says, you don't believe you have what it takes to make true positive change in your life. And this hit me hard guys part of partly because I see so many groomers who are ready for change, but it's like you can get, I can give you guys all the tools, I can give you all the knowledge. I can give you hundreds and hundreds of hours of free shit and hours of paid stuff.

But it's up to you to do the work. And it's up for y up to you to actually do it. And one trick I will say in one-on-one coaching is like, okay, let's close our eyes and picture ourselves in a year. Let's say in that year, you have not implemented what you have decided. You need to implement. Think, okay,

now picture five years and you have not implemented what we need to implement. Let's think of 10 years and we have not implemented what we need to implement, right? 10 years is a lot of years, guys. We overestimate what we can do in one year and we underestimate what we can do in 10. If you had told River Lee that in 10 years she was going to open and sell to grooming businesses and become an international business coach,

I would've told you you were on crack. I've been like, there is no way I could do all of that in 10 years. And yet here I am. I went from being pregnant, living in my car to being here. And it's amazing guys. But what we need to do is actually believe it. And when we believe it, we put our feet and do action.

Now, don't get me wrong, and this is, this is one of the biggest things, right? So all these childhood wounds are affecting your business because they make you go back to what, whatever your habit was as a little kid, you know? And, and I want you guys, you're gonna be triggered. If you have a family that's anything like mine,

you're gonna be triggered. I'm planning on going to Florida for Christmas and New Year's because I put me first. I know that sounds super selfish, but my emotional wellbeing is so much more important to me than I ever realized. Because when I'm okay and when I'm good, I'm a better parent. I'm a better business coach, I'm a better person. You know,

my sister is gonna be a mom. Well she, she's due on the 20th of January, but that baby is coming in hot, you know? And I think about her and I think about everything that she's gonna have to go through. And her pregnancy is triggering me because she is gonna be a single mom. And that's so hard for me to watch someone make the same mistakes I made.

Not that my son was a mistake, but you know, if I could, if there's any way that I could have protected her from doing that, it would've, but I can't. And that's very hard because my role in the family when I was growing up was the reality. And the person, like everyone would ignore the elephant in the room, whatever the elephant in the room was.

And my job was to say, Hey, there's an elephant. Is, does anyone else see this elephant? 'cause it's here, it's here. And then my job in my family when I was growing up is to figure, to figure out how to get the elephant out. And you don't realize that. But as you get older, you just, you recognize it.

'cause 10 years seems to go really quickly the older you get. But so for my family, like I have to go, okay, who am I in my family? And what was my go-to feeling? And when I was a kid, my go-to feeling was anger, resentment, picking fights, arguing. Because if I was the good nice girl, then everyone just lived in this other reality.

Just sharing guys, my dad was an alcoholic and my brother to this day will not acknowledge that our father was an alcoholic. Nope. He, he just won't. My, my brother, if you, if you talk to about our dad, he won't acknowledge it. And that's his journey, not mine. But there's a lot of wounds that come with that.

It, you know, there's lots of, you know, why did my parent pick a substance over me? And the shame and the hiding and learning how to deal with your own adult feelings around alcohol, and am I gonna end up like my dad? And, and my dad died when he was 40. Ironically, the man died of mono. You would think he would've died of any other thing on the planet,

but he died of mono. But you know, it's, I'm sure his immune system was just so compromised from drinking and everything. And the reason I share that is because when I talked to a lot of other people, when we have these childhood experiences that were not perfect, my mom worked really, really hard. She had her own issues. The woman I grew up with doesn't exist.

My mom is so amazing. Yeah. Melissa Hall's saying, I love your mom. I love my mom too. But she has grown tremendously in the last 10 years. You know, and I'm not, I'm not talking bad about her. No different than I wouldn't talk bad about me. You know, I think about who I was growing up and I was a very angry kid and my own issues because 'cause of the things I went through.

But like my mom is so wonderful in giving and supportive now, but she wasn't when I was growing up. And she wasn't when she was young, hurt people. Hurt people. And when I was, when I had my son, you know, I lived in my car and then I lived six months in my grooming salon. My mom had just gotten out of this really messed up relationship.

She had dated a crack head for like 10 years. And she didn't, she just, she just pretended like this man had never done drugs. And, you know, and that's, I don't blame her for that. You know, that was a pattern that was from her family's pattern. You know, her growing up, you know, and again,

I don't wanna just divulge those dynamics, but my grandparents had un unideal dynamics. And then when my mom was 14, my uncle Bobby died, so her brother died. And basically her whole family abandoned her and just pretended like he was still alive. You know? And that's really tough. And then when you go from there to being a mom of three kids with a dad who works,

you know, my dad worked 80 hours a week. He was, he worked seven days a week and if he took a day off, he was intoxicated. You know? And I, I can't even imagine being in that position. And so when you think of that, that role she played and the role I had to play in my life, of course it affects my business,

right? I think about how much validation I needed in my business when I had my shop. Especially I know my grandparents love me very, very much, but even now they ask me when I'm gonna get a real job. My mother bought my mobile growing business. She makes more money running the mobile business than she does as a full-time teacher. They keep asking her,

when is she gonna just dump this? Because who would ever do this? And who would ever pay this? And they're just so unsupportive. And I think I have grown enough to step away from it. And I'm so proud of my mom because she, I, I can't imagine if that was my dad. You know, my dad had his own issues.

But, you know, I can't imagine being a woman in her. I don't know if she's in her fifties or sixties. I don't even wanna say that. I feel like I'm gonna age my mom too much. But I can't imagine being a grown woman. You know, I'm a grown woman, but she's a grown ass woman. And having my father who I just want to be proud of me telling me I'm a failure all the time.

I can't imagine how that, and that does affect her business. But that's why I'm here. Right? And then for her, you know, when I need that support, it's hard. She can't give me that support. Right? I'm giving her that support. And that's a different dynamic. So that affects my business because I have to self parent myself.

Yeah. You know? And so for, for me in my business, you know, at this point doing coaching, there's all, if you think about this, if I have a mother who can't stand up to her father saying, when are you gonna get a new real job? You know, you're gonna be a failure. You're not gonna be able to do this.

If I need support, she can't give me support. She can't gimme support and she can barely stand up for herself against my grandparents, nevermind standing up for me. So this affected my business in the beginning because when I had customers, especially when they'd be like, oh, does your mom own this job place? 'cause I looked very young and I would want them again at that defensiveness,

that overly angry defensive, no ironed this, I deserve this, I do this. And it was so mad. And it was because I was taking out childhood wounds from wanting my mom to stand up for me and wanting my grandparents to see that I was successful. Taking it out on customers, you know? And we do this guys, and we don't mean to do it.

You know, sometimes, you know, our parents told us we didn't deserve things or other wounds around money. Maybe it was that. Who do you think you are? You know, the queen of England. You know, when you want something or you want some money or whatever. My dad used to tell me all the time when I was a little girl,

you know, and this is, this is not very nice. But he would tell me, you know, you got born to the wrong family. You know, you, we can't afford to keep you. You know, he was just really mean. And people that are hurt, hurt other people. So I grew up with a dad who was a drunk,

a very functional, drunk, but a drunk. And he was a very mean drunk. Never, never aggressive and never physically harmful. But he said really mean things, you know, he told my sister, I know this pregnancy is affecting her because he told her the only thing she'd ever be good for is being pregnant and living off of a man.

And I know that's, you know, absolutely devastated her. She never wanted to be a mom because of that. And again, how does that affect her business? Well, now that she is pregnant, now she doesn't own a business, she's an employee, but she doesn't wanna celebrate her pregnancy. She doesn't wanna tell anyone she's pregnant 'cause she's afraid of being judged.

And that's gonna affect her, her workday. Because instead of, you know, telling clients, Hey, I'm nine months pregnant, she's trying to hide the fact, and that's not possible. But in her mind, she's going to do that. And for some of us that have had, you know, pregnancy issues, you know, I, I had a very traumatic pregnancy with my son because I didn't feel loved and supported by anyone.

And then with my twin daughters that I, I lost at 20 weeks, you know, there was a lot of trauma for me about fearful that she might get. I, I, I, I, if you guys that don't know, I always assume people know I had, I was pregnant with twin daughters, we lost 'em at 20 weeks. My spouse left me,

I went septic and I almost died. It was incredibly traumatic. And for me, I know my wounds are coming out because I'm fearful for her health. I'm fearful for the business, right? Because God forbid something happens to this baby or to her, you know, I'm up right now staying at an Airbnb to support my family, to help support their business.

You know? And honestly, I don't mind grooming cats. So it's not a big deal. But it affects my business because that childhood wound where I'm the fixer, I'm the helper here I am leaving where I had just moved to South Carolina and up up here to help cover some of her maternity leave, right? And that affects savvy groomer because, you know,

here I am trying to work out of an Airbnb instead of being home and stable and you know, in a place where, you know, the lighting isn't crap and the internet isn't inconsistent. So we do this, you know, and a lot of it is just acknowledging it. And then self parenting. Self parenting sounded like the biggest crock of shit I ever heard until I started doing it.

It's been one of the best things I have ever done. So whenever I do something, let's say like today, you know, I was trying to get the lighting right in here and I was trying to get it cute in here. And there was just no way I, between getting the lighting, being near the internet, having my computer set up all of it,

there was just only so many options. And I was so mad and so frustrated. And what was going through my head is, C, you're a failure. C you can't even do this. Right? Like, it was all these awful things that kept running through my head. And I had to take a step back and go, Hey, hey,

hey. Right? Because unfortunately I don't have my mom a little bit now, but I didn't have neither grandparents nor a parent to say, Hey kiddo, you're doing the best you can. And you know what? You're doing this, you're gonna have a live show. Things happen. And if they can't accept it, and if they can't be happy that you're even here,

well they can go fuck themselves. Right? That's what I need someone to say. And I don't really have anyone right now in my life. I don't have a husband to say that. I know if I asked my friends, they would say that, but you know, it's not really a conversation I wanna have with my friends, right? Because I know they're,

you know, not placating me, but like I know they're gonna say that. So I have to start saying that to me. I have to say, Hey river, you're okay. You know? And just talk to myself kindly. And for a lot of us, you can tell how many people have had healthy, really healthy, really supportive childhoods by asking them,

man, isn't the voice in your head nasty? And basically everyone I know goes, yes, you're, and it's because the voice in our head is basically our parents. And unless, and the people I know that don't have that problem, they have amazing, lovely, healthy, supportive parents. And that's not many people I know. And I think it's 'cause I don't attract those people.

'cause they don't need a lot of things I have to offer. You don't need help in their business. The way that somebody who has been through trauma does. And I find most groomers have had trauma. When you pick pets over people, it's generally because you can't trust people when you would rather take a dog who will bite you and poop on the table,

or a cat that's gonna try and piss in your face, you know, over a person. It's 'cause you don't trust people. And that's okay. It's okay, you know? But we need to long term start either acknowledging these wounds and going, okay, how is this affecting my business, unintentionally affecting my business? You know? And it doesn't mean you fix 'em today.

I mean, I've been on a three year, I don't wanna call it spiritual journey, healing journey, working on myself. And it's not easy. And it's really hard to pick myself first. And there's all the guilt on every level. And I have to go, okay, if I had this perfect parent, you know, and sometimes it's the perfect mom and sometimes it's the perfect dad,

you know, like when I think about like a perfect mom, it, you know, what I would want mom to say is, you know, river, you have to put yourself first. Your mental health comes first. And then she would tell me when, when the airplane is going down, the oxygen mask come down, you've gotta put it on you first.

'cause if you're not okay, no one else is okay. Right? And on days when I feel like I'm gonna die alone, and that's an irrational fear, right? But again, childhood wounds. My grandfather told me at 25 that I was getting old and he didn't want me to die alone. Now that's because he was told, you know, he got married at 18,

he was basically told, this is what you do. And we told my mother, basically, you get married and this is what you do. My grandparents have been married forever. You know? And this is just what you do. So it's one of those things like in a perfect world that dad would be like, Hey, don't worry about it.

Mr. Wright is coming and he's gonna cherish you and he's gonna love you. Well, that same dad who would tell you that about a boy would tell you that about a customer, right? And this is why I always talk about that soulmate client. If you had that dad, that dad who would say, you wait for the right man, he's gonna come in.

Maybe not on a white horse, but he's gonna be everything you ever dreamed of. That is the same dad that when you say, I wanna fire this customer. And he would say, well, tell me why. And you would say how this customer is disrespectful and mean and awful. He would be like, you know what, sweetie, here's what we do.

We're gonna write a script together. We're gonna fire this client and the right one is gonna come along. And that's what a lot of us need is those perfect parents that we didn't have. So we've gotta create them and parent ourselves. And I do find that in a lot of my coaching, I have to, I don't wanna say parent people, but I have to be that supportive voice.

'cause it's hard to believe in yourself. And it's not that you don't believe in yourself at all, but it's like, there's only so far we can go. You believe we can be his success, but only a little bit of a success. Right? Just, just enough. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the my TED Talk today. Today's topic was all about how C child childhood wounds affect business.

And these are just examples. If you're triggered this holiday season, give yourself some grace. Parent yourself. And then when you hear these wounds come up, think about how you are internalizing them and projecting them in your business, you're gonna be so much happier. Once I realized that I didn't need the approval of my grooming clients, it was so much easier.

I didn't need their validation. I needed my validation. I knew it was badass. I knew my grooms were, my dog grooms were okay. My cat grooms pretty damn good. You know, I didn't need that validation from them anymore. That validation I was seeking from them was validation I wanted from my, my family. And then once I didn't need that,

the customer's validation anymore, that's when my mom paid attention and she saw someone she wanted to be. And that was really, really good for me. A lot of us keep awful clients because that was our role as a kid. The peacekeeper. The pleaser, the accommodator, right? It's almost like you feel like you deserve, right? I don't know if your family did that at all.

A lot of people's family told them they didn't. They, they didn't feel like they could have that autonomy. And not to get too far down that rabbit hole, but if you guys have had any physical violations, and then it's very hard for people that have had been through that kind of trauma to say no. Or on the flip side, they're very sensitive and say no to everything.