You weren't there in 2011 when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my son, homeless and alone. I was terrified, I had lost my job and wasn't sure how I was going to support us. By some miracle, I opened up my grooming salon 4 days before my son, Ronan, was born. I worked a full Saturday, went into labor Sunday, had him on Tuesday, and was back to work the following Saturday.
We were so poor we lived illegally at the salon for the first six months of his life. I would shower at a local gym, bathe him in the grooming tub, I had a bassinet in the backroom and an air mattress I would inflate every night I wasn't too tired to sleep on top of a pile of towels. I would try to make a pizza last a whole week, eating ketchup packets and brushing my teeth when I was starving in order to stretch my budget. I groomed any pet willing to walk in that door because we had bills to pay and I was desperate.
I realize now I did what I had to do, but I can't even begin to explain the feeling as a mother who had to sacrifice the first 4 years of my son's life. I missed his first step, his first word, I missed all those precious moments I don't get back, trying to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. I attempted to balance being a single mom, being a business owner while wrestling all the guilt, and shame I felt building up. No matter how I tried to soothe myself, it was a losing battle.
I remember the exact moment I let those feelings finally consume me. I was at my shop bathing a dog, I actually felt like a freight train hit me. I started sobbing uncontrollably, I instantly felt hollow, like my heart and soul had decided I was a lost cause. Like all that was left of me was an empty shell. Physically and emotionally numb. I tried to not fall to my knees, faint, scream, anything but stay on this never-ending cycle like groundhog day... I remember telling myself "suck it up". I had to finish the day, after all, a slave to my life, this is the most I could expect given the cards I was dealt, right?
Not the most flattering of confessions but I seriously thought about ending my own life. The thought had never crossed my mind to hurt myself when I was pregnant and homeless. I had never thought to hurt myself when I fought the odds opening my shop... but the thought of living forever as a rat in a wheel, suffering as a "bad mom" and a "never enough" business owner was enough to crush me into hopelessness. I hope you never ever ever feel that way, I would never wish it on my 'worst enemies'.
When I missed those precious moments, it was out of necessity, I had been trying so desperately to keep us afloat. It was survival, that daily life and death struggle had a purpose. I had a purpose. I found that now we were doing really well I didn't know how to be happy or even emotionally healthy... By this stage, I had purchased a mixed-use property where I had additional income from rent and that covered most of the household bills. My grooming salon now had a profitable membership model, I had 5 employees and the shop earned me a six-figure income. So what the Hell was my problem?
After counseling and reading as many self-help books as I could get my hands on I learned I had not emotionally separated myself from that panicked "survival" mode. I was still terrified that if I made one wrong move it could all be snatched away. I felt helpless, I felt like things kept happening TO me. If you're familiar at all with Savvy Groomer's training you will often hear me refer to "Sally Survive", that's exactly who I was! Barely keeping my head above water, living paycheck to paycheck, waiting for the next disaster to suffer and survive.
I decided the only way to feel in control, was to get in control. I started to make a financial plan to get us to a point where I felt like I wasn't just surviving, but actually LIVING. That later became the inspiration for my online course, Personal Finance on a Leash. I not only wanted to just survive, but I wanted to live... I wanted to dare to be more than just comfortable, I wanted to thrive! I wanted to show everyone that had abandoned me that they were wrong, I was worth saving and I was going to save myself. This inspired Savvy Groomer's Survive-Live-Thrive model that we still use to this day. It changed my life.
My son was my priority and it was time to not just say he was my priority but actually make my work schedule reflect that. I sat down and wrote goals for myself, my family, and my business. I asked myself what I honestly wanted, not what I felt like I deserved or what I would tolerate. A lot of my business dreams were things I realized weren't in line with the season of life I was in. I wanted to drop my soon-to-be kindergartener off at school and pick him up. I wanted to have more children and not be at the shop all day. I didn't want to have to choose between missing those precious moments and a business.
After accepting I wasn't in a season of life to appreciate or grow my grooming salon to its full potential, I made a radical decision. You might have called it financial suicide, everyone in my life did. A single mom with a mortgage and bills to pay sold her business earning six-figures. Crazy! I decided to purchase a Hanvey Grooming Van, and it was the first decision towards my new life.
I dropped my son off every day at school in my grooming van and picked him up. His friends thought I was the "cool mom", which made my heart so full. Somehow I learned cat grooming was a thing, and earned my CFMG (Certified Feline Master Groomer). I went feline exclusive mobile, everyone told me it could not be done... So I decided to grow a feline exclusive mobile business where my clients are on a 4-week schedule, with my prices $100-$200. I was full within 6 months.
Somewhere in those years, I got married, my business was running smooth as silk, I hired a groomer to cover me in the van. The house I owned had a separate section that had once been a hair salon so we started the conversion to making a legal home-based grooming salon. I felt ready, I felt like we could start a family. I imagined a life where I could run the at home operation, have a baby in their crib with a baby monitor if they cried I could put the cat in a crate and go check on them. Hold them, be there for them in ways I missed out on with Ronan. Finally, be the mother and business owner I wanted to be. Balance and bliss.
After an unexpected car accident which left my back fractured, I found out I was pregnant with twin girls. I could not have been more excited, I had finally found that homelife bliss I craved. I was finally making traction in a way that I was getting everything I wanted, I finally felt like my life was in control. I don't know if it's because I'm meant for a higher purpose, I'm very unlucky, or if I was a very bad person in my past life...
Every time I share this part of my story I cry. I don't think my heart will ever fully heal. I was 20 weeks pregnant with my daughters when I didn't feel well. I called my doctor, who told me it was normal to feel uncomfortable with twins. I knew something was wrong, I drove myself to the hospital and again my world came crashing down. I had a fever of 104, the babies were in distress, I was going to septic and we were all probably going to die.
The illusion of control I thought I had of my life shattered. Choose. I had to choose between trying to go on IV antibiotics with bedrest in ICU for about a month, then try to survive giving birth or giving birth now and my children would most likely die since they were not only early, but living in my infected uterus. Either way, all of us would probably die, but if I wanted to survive my best chances were to give birth now.
It was the hardest decision I had ever made in my life, and I hope it stays the hardest decision I ever make. My daughter Ellowyn (Ellie-in-the-belly) never took a breath, but my feisty daughter, the one who was always moving and kept me up at night- River, she strained her little lungs and fought. She lived long enough for me to tell her I loved her, and I would never forget her.
My spouse was beyond devastated, he had to watch me give birth and then spend several days in the ICU. I don't know what was worse, going through the experience or watching helplessly. The long and short story was, he could not handle the situation, and he left me. When I was home recovering I had a house full of baby things, no spouse, and no idea where to go from here.
Why am I telling you this incredibly depressing part of my story? Mostly because it taught me the most important use of money. I had enough money to mourn my daughters, I had a business healthy enough that I did not have to work for several months. I was able to physically get better, not "suck it up". I was able to have my groomer tell all my customers the painful news. My customers were so excited for me, my groomer brought home baby items every. single. day. I would get baby gifts, my customers kindly saying "for the next baby". How would I tell them that would probably be a long time since my baby's father had left me like the coward he was?
For the second time in my life, I wanted to die. That's not true- I wanted my children, and I wanted to be with them. Instead of committing suicide, I committed financial suicide again. I was unable to get out of bed, I didn't want to be in the space where my dreams lived. I sold my house, which to me was my safety net. I spent a year of healing. Healing relationships with people I thought I would never forgive, forgiving myself for not being perfect and needing a break.
I spent an entire year living near the ocean- in a place I consider my happy place. It was what my soul needed, it was what I needed to prove to myself that my financial principals work. Not just in good times, not just in bad times, but always. As I continue my journey, I have the freedom and flexibility to make choices. I can pivot based on what season of life I am in.
My crusade is to give every groomer (who wants it) the opportunity to make choices about their life. I pray you never have to go through the trials and tribulations anywhere close to what I have. But I'm ok, I'm better than ok, I'm thriving, I'm growing. I cannot control the awful things that happen to me, no more than I control them for you. What I can do, and what I have made my life's mission to do, is to show you how to financially weather storms in your life. I can't tell you how good it felt when my ex left, that I realized I didn't financially need him, so when he called me over a year later- I told him to go fuck himself.
I went from being homeless to teaching pet professionals internationally about personal finance and business. Not bad for a girl no one thought was worth saving. Thank God they didn't, it's given me the strength to show you how to make your life anything you want.
